The Easter Bunny is once again terrorising the country. Swarms of day-trackers are invading the left-over shops who decided to still welcome the rodent lovers. Unfortunately, Levine chose to be one of them; dragging us in the process.
A kid with Sponge Bob on his t-shirt is staring at me as if he’s about to attack. And all I can think is likewise, because I’m a real elbow-handler in big crowds.
But my friends are dawdling and chatting and laughing, so I sit down on a chair and pick up a Rubik’s Cube. ‘How about this one,’ I say concentrating on my attempt to brilliance but pointing at a ghastly looking shiny black plastic coffee table. ‘I would gladly spill coffee on it, if that’s what you mean,’ answers Levine putting his feet on it. I put the Rubiks down, it hasn’t improved a bit.
Down one of the aisles we pass this set of three tables, a square one, a triangle and a round copy, and I’m sure of it. I know which one he wants. They are made of wood from olive trees and their colour is amazing. Like the finest tan in the world. Like summer, beach and delicious food all in one table.
We squeeze our way through the egg seeking easter day people, passing tables filled with stuff nobody needs and everybody touches. I’m the same because I pick up a giant chick: ‘this has got to be the biggest chick in the world.’ Levine puts his thumbs together and points this index fingers in the air to measure the world’s largest baby chick. ‘That is one huge chick,’ is his conclusion.
‘What if this chick grows up to be a hen?’ Says Macy and we all look at each other. ‘That’s got to be filled with so many hormones it’s most likely to explode.’
‘Do you think it will rain eggs if it does?’ I wonder. A lady with a flat perm and Crocs on her feet overheard and bursts out in laughter. I startle and drop the giant chick, it falls in between the candles and the oil.
‘Can we go?’ I whine like a baby.
‘No, not until I find my perfect coffee table.’
‘But I already found your perfect table for you.’
‘Impossible.’ Levine turns to walk away.
‘It’s made of the finest olive wood.’
‘It has the most beautiful colour you’ve ever seen.’
He turns his head.
‘It will make you wanna marry a tropical lady.’
‘You have a choice out of three of the finest tables you’ve ever seen, with the most gorgeous tan nature can provide. Dear Sir, I present to you a square, a round, and a triangle version of your perfect coffee table.’
Levine crouches down on his knees and slides a hand over the silent wood. He nods.
‘And I know which one you will pick,’ I cross my arms. ‘I could sit on it with my scrawny butt and you will still choose my table.’
He gets up and folds his arms too.
‘I already know,’ I sing like an annoying kid.
‘Have a seat.’
I sit down on the square table, crossing my legs and smiling my smile.
‘You’re unbelievable. How did you know?’
I shrug. And I can’t help but take the giant chick home.